Nuts! And Sweets

Ahh, Naper Nuts and sweets. A very fine candy shop. The place to go for overpriced novelty candy, that's the type I like.

I was going to make a joke about me being like a kid in a candy store, but I'll spare you. As you can see I bought just about half my weight in novelty candy. And it only cost me my left nut. It was worth it there's a whole lot of crazy ass shit there dog! Lets dig in.

First up the "Extreme Deli Jelly". There were a lot of mini foodstuffs made out of jelly and marshmallow, I just picked up this kit because I figured I'd get everything in one pack. They didn't taste as bad as I thought they would. Not much to say about this except its really fucking weird. Score: 7 out of 10, because it's freakin' extreme.

Well, I was avoiding the Harry Potter section of the store so I wouldn't look like too big of a nerd, but it really didn't work out. Somewhat grudgingly I picked this up. I really shouldn't have, I didn't take a look a the price tag this thing was close to three bucks. They made a lot of hot-shit promises, like getting a cool wizard picture, and a crispy chocolate frog. Can't go wrong right?

Wrong damnit! That's barely even a fun sized frog, for three dollars? Damn, I usually don't mind getting crappy stuff as long as I get enough of it, the frog didn't taste that good either. I got Professor Sprout he/she? grows using a cheap holo-effect. Not really all that collectible.

There's some stuff on the back, nothing really all that interesting. Professor Sprout? Not even famous, can't believe I didn't at least get Dumbledor. Damn you Hufflepuff. Not that I read Harry Potter....Damn. Score: 3 out of 10, lousy card.

Ah, the Taco Factory. That's some crazy shit. Probably the weirdest out of all of the assorted candies I bought. It's kind of like a lunchable, except made out of sugar.

The back was pretty straight forward. It shows the "flavors" of the taco ingredients. It also had a few recipes, not that any combination tasted different. It was all just sugar. I was expecting to have nice pliable taco shells, but no these were hard shells, hardcore shells. The idea was very vague at best, and the company that makes these followed through in true novelty fashion with poor execution of their plan. Every time I tried to mush the taco together the insides would go flying out a zillion miles per hour.

Well I'll never be a hand model. That "taco" right there was pretty much the best I could get it. It didn't taste so bad, but it was hard to keep together when you bit into it. Score: 8 out of 10, muy picante'.


Ah yes the "Hose Nose". I know you're thinking, what the fuck. At least I was. I can't possibly explain why this thing was ever made, ever. This is by far the worst idea of this article. A candy nose that oozes green fluid onto your tongue. There were several flaws in their execution of this idea. First was the actual making of it, who the fuck would buy this shit? Secondly, its way to far away from your tongue when you wear it. That's right you WEAR IT. GOOD GOD.

I don't even know what to say. NO ONE WOULD EVER WEAR THIS. If a kid was ever caught wearing it he would be mercilessly ridiculed and possibly stoned to death. The idea is that you squeeze the nose and goo comes out onto your tongue. If I can't stick my tongue out far enough how can a elementary school kid?

That's what came out, you know what the worst part was? It was sour apple. Gross.
Score: 2 out of 10. Worst fucking idea..

Oh, and the Mallow Burger is still around. It's not a cold war relic as I thought. Go get one. They're awful. Comment about your favorite novelty candy. Or how good I look in that nose.



--Spencer

There's Treasure Everywhere!

So I just got this new camera phone when I updated my cell plan. After I got it me and my dad were feeling a little hungry so we went to a nearby White Castle. I've had White Castle before and I wasn't a fan, too many onions and too much gray slime (a.k.a. roach guts). I was messing with my new phone when I saw this as we were ordering.

My camera phone isn't the best thing but it does alright when I don't have my camera. So I had just ordered when I looked to my left and got hit in the eyes with this thing. I don't have a reason why anything like this would be in a fast food restaurant. My guess is after the sticker craze died out no one felt like moving the thing. After all I doubt minimum wage burger flippers care for lugging around one-ton sticker machines.

Being naturally cheap I only had one quarter in my pocket. This eliminated the slutty bratz stickers I was eyeing, not to mention the crazy animals and looney toons. So I decided to go with the incredible mystery sticker category. Pretty much stickers no one wants. Well at least it guarantees a "ticker or tatoo everytime" like I would pay a quarter and not get something. Dumbasses.

Well it actually turned out something I liked. I was, and still am, a big Garfield fan. Even though Jim Davis has sold just about every right to Garfield. I still whip out the old Garfield from time to time. Damn that cat can eat. Well that's it for today, go out and find some weird stuff of your own, and remember there's treasure everywhere!


--Spencer