In the Zone

So I went to the Brunswick zone with Carl, and Kevin today. It was pretty cool. We went to the arcade, so here's my review of the Brunswick arcade. Here's Carl if you don't know him, there's a picture of Kevin in my biology post.



We went past the expensive machines, to the old row of crapped out machines from the mid 90's They had some pretty ancient crap back there. These are some of the newer machines. They had Mrs. Pacman of course, but who doesn't. Almost every arcade in the world has Mrs. Pacman...


After beating Kevin's ass at some Mortal Kombat, we stumbled onto this..

Oh sweet Jesus. I knew all that praying had to work. Ninja Ninja Assault Assault..I knew I had to play it. It was missing link in my life. But no! The machine wasn't working. Those lousy "Fun Keys" they give you suck. I longed for some tokens. But we had to press on. I was ready to settle on some of the less imaginative light gun games. But my Fun Key ran out of money. No shooty action for me. We wandered around for awhile until we came to the grabber section.


Just as the Ninja Ninja Assault Assault proved the existence of God. The Bling King proved the existence of Satan. It goes to show just how far the "Bling Bling" juggernaut went. Something about the "Bling King" was all wrong, maybe it was the noxious base line it pumped out, or the horrible cheap looking contents. The world may never know. After Kevin ate at the snack bar, we wandered around the more expensive games. This machine caught my eye.


With it's flashy lights, big prizes and promise of winning something every time. I couldn't resist. I also couldn't figure out how it works, so I just hit the button randomly. The machine made a crazy noise, so I figure I'd gotten something good. I looked around the drop bin, I thought the machine jipped me. But then my hand hit something small and rubbery. I thought someone just left it in there. But it was my prize.

I could've picked something more interesting off the bottom of my shoe, but the thing at least bounced. I'd have to settle for it. They had an ice cream vending machine, we were getting ready to leave. And I figured I'd buy some, since Kevin and Carl had already. I was in the mood for some reeses so I put in my cash and punched in the code. The vending machine went through the vending motions, but the bar stayed there. You can see the fence is gone, but the bar would not drop.

Look at it, it just stopped there. I wouldn't have cared so much if the thing didn't cost a buck fifty. When I pay that kind of money I expect results. We shook the hell out of that machine but the thing wouldn't budge. We all pooled together our cash to buy a second reeses bar for Kevin. The second bar was pushed out of the way by the first, but the second bar got stuck...


So close yet so far away. I finally hulked out on the fuckin' thing and shook it until the bar came loose. Overall a good ending to the trip. As we were walking out Kevin spotted this. I think I've died and gone to heaven. Back in fifth grade gang violence and drugs were a big deal. Police got involved in kids, and tried to scare the hell out of them with this...

Wow. Just wow.

I'm not sure I can take this poster, it blows my mind. Made with Adobe Photoshop 1.o, or maybe a beta version of Microsoft Paint. The poster trys makes the Naperville police department look like a bunch of weight lifting, gun wielding hardasses. The poster definitely persuaded me no to join a gang. In fact it changed my life forever.

Just say no!

--Spencer

Fun in the Field

So me and most of my family went to Chicago on Monday for spring break, because we had nothing else to do and no money to go anywhere else. It was pretty fuggin cool if I do say so myself. We went to the Field Museum which kicks ass. After we hit the Field we stayed at a hotel. We probably should have just gone home, but I like staying at hotels.

There it is the Field Museum, the place to be for Dinosaurs, Mummys, and Dinosaur Mummys. We even had special tickets for the new "Dinosaur Dynasty" It was one of those Temporary exhibits. They had a bunch of Dinos from China, but I'll get into that later.

The Field is a really beautiful place, made even better by the fact you couldn't spit without hitting a Dinosaur, even on the first floor there were at least three that you could immediately see, Including "Sue" First thing we did was take a look at Sue, and visit her balcony right above.

I wont even explain this one. It speaks for itself.

We went to a boring Gem collection thing, I took some pictures but they all sucked. Most of the stuff was quartz anyways. After we had done the whole Gem thing we decided to go to the Egypt exhibit, my favorite. I love the place.



The jerkass in the blue shirt is my brother. I would have taken more pictures but there was an assload of people in the room, so I couldn't get a shot of the room without somebody's head in it. I was looking around when I saw a large crack in the wall. I couldn't see the inside so I decided what the heck and took a picture of it.

ITS A MUMMY!

You can also see another mummy through a glass covered hole. I took a picture of it, but its blurry since I had to turn the flash off, and other people without blogs wanted to take a look at the Mummy. Jerks. Total Mummy count: 2

After the main room you go into a narrow hallway stuffed with people and hieroglyphics. They were from a real Pyramid, so there were plastic shields in the way of the dirty skank hands of the thousands of people who walk through. Here's my brother deciphering the hieroglyphics.

"It says, 'here be Dragons' and possibly discount donuts"

Jackass.

Anyways, we went down a spiral staircase that I couldn't get a picture of. Down below the surface now, we went through a series of hallways that had a bunch of Egyptian stuff embedded in the wall. Including a MUMMY!

The tiny passage spilled out into a large room packed with Egyptian stuff, there was a small boardwalk, with little pictures of normal Egyptian life put into the railing. Every one we saw my brother said, Dude, is that, that (insert name here)'s 'junk' And indeed, it was his 'junk' So I took a picture of it, here they are in a collage.

Sick

There were also a bunch of stand up life size hieroglyphs of these Egyptian guys doing stuff. I didn't understand the point, but I'm not Egyptian or Japanese..They were pretty hilarious though, maybe unintentionally.

Times don't change much I guess.

Sorry, its an inside joke, go ahead ask me about it.

Around this time my camera totally died on me. But that didn't stop me from squeezing every last drop of juice that thing had in it. The rest of the pictures are taken super fast without flash. That's why they're blurry and generally crappy. There was a lot of cool stuff in that room, including...

MICHAEL JACKSON

I know you're thinking, he said lots of cool stuff, but this was just too good to not take a picture of. After we navigated through the room we ended up in the downstairs area. There were a bunch of statues that depicted nude men doing various things. Including this one. When my brother said, is that guy humping that pole? I had to get a picture of it.


There was this awesome machine that translates your name into hieroglyphics, we didn't have any one dollar bills so we went to McDonald's to break a five. Then we saw this.

I don't know what to say. This wall mural shows Ronald McDonald and his gang happily floating out in space without any protective equipment. I wouldn't have that much of a problem with this if there didn't happen to be a friggin pterodactyl in it. A PTERODACTYL IN SPACE.

WHAT THE FUCK?

After breaking our minds on this we went to the Dinosaur Dynasty. Apparently they found a bunch of undiscovered Dinosaurs in China. It was pretty cool, they had a bunch of complete dinosaurs there.

It was a pretty small exhibit, overall it was pretty disappointing, maybe it was just because the pyramid is so cool. We couldn't think of anything to do after that so we went to the Field Store, it was pretty cool. Even though everything was so expensive. I finally got this totally awesome mummy thing, I'll review it later. Well, that's pretty much it. Hope you enjoyed reading this unnecessarily long blog. If not, you can kiss my grits.

--Spencer

The Real Sims

I've decided to start a mini series of me playing the Sims and translating it into a Reality show;
The Real Sims, couldn't think of a better title that didn't infringe any copywrites...Lousy MTV. Anyways here's the cast. Two eligible bachelors and a old black guy who wants to get laid, for a novelty factor. That's just about as close to real life as I could get.

I forget the old guys name, so lets just call him Bob for now. As you can see they are quite a trio. Since this is supposed to simulate reality, I tried to make their personalities opposite of each other. Within a few days they will hopefully hate each other. Just like a real "Reality" show! It took me awhile to make their "crib"(Pardon my hip lingo) into something that looks a reality show house. Here's the first floor of the house.

Pretty ugly place huh? Dark turquoise floor with deep purple walls. Not much to say about it yet. I would like to point out my favorite thing in the entire house, the glowing neon flamingo that bathes the kitchen wall with a healthy glow of hot pink sex. Beautiful, absolutely beautiful.
This section of the series is centered around Quinton because he did the most.

Quinton is an asshole. Within a few seconds of meeting this elderly gentlemen he argued with him, and he insulted him and made him cry. It was very funny the first three times I made him poke the old guy. I felt so bad as the old man sobbed into his hands that I too began to cry.
I'M SUCH A BAD PERSON!

Well after the rest of the welcoming party got settled in the back yard. Quinton seeking to make up for his previous misdeeds decided to cook some hotdogs for everyone! There he goes, walking with his confident stride knowing full well that he would deliver the best damn hotdogs this side of missourah.

Oh, how wrong you are Quinton, or was it all planned to further spite your guests you sick creep! I can't belief I ever wrote these two sentences about you.

There they are. Those sick and magled black pieces of charcoal Quinton is looking at are the worst hot dogs ever made. Look at him, scheming, calculating where these evil packages of doom would do the most damage. He passes them out to everyone in the immediate vicinity. They take their poison without protest. It's disgusting.

Will Quinton get what's coming to him? Will Bob live past the first chapter of this retarded series? FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON.....The Real Sims.

Don't hate me too much for this.

--Spencer

Green Food for Thought

Hey there, didn't expect to write something today but I just found a fucking gold mine. A green one. I went to lunch today with my standard sack lunch. But then I saw someone with....GREEN POTATOES. That's right! Green food! Saint Patrick, we love you. Though I may not have any Irish in me at all, I can just connect with consuming as much green stuff as possible, until you yourself turn green.



Brilliant. Brilliant! BRILLIANT! Green food for Saint Patrick's day. Same shitty food with a new additive, green dye, those pineapples are practically swimming in the stuff. Oh man, I'm gonna be shitting green for weeks.

The Pretzel:

I figured that I might as well start with the main attraction; a soggy lukewarm pretzel with what looked like some sort of strangely colored goop. I was ready to make some creepy crawlers out of the stuff, but since the sauce didn't have a lid I didn't want it in my pocket. The pretzel didn't taste any worse than normal, but the sauce had a chemical aftertaste...

The Potatoes:

I had trouble eating the potatoes, there was something wrong with eating something so violently green. I expected a nice minty flavor, I desperately hoped for it. But all I got was some crappy potatoes from concentrate. They were a little more obviously off taste than the other foods, maybe it was just how wrong green potatoes and gravy look.

The Pineapples:

God, I hate pineapples! Green or not they suck, a lot. With that said this review is no longer credible. The pineapples were really sweet, so if you like sweet pineapples swimming in a green bath of dye, these things are for you. I would review the cookie, but it was just an average sugar cookie. Pretty good.

The Cinnamon Roll:

The cinnamon roll, pretty good. Again the icing was normal flavored. But still good.
Overall, it was nice to see the lunch staff to make a half assed effort to provide novelty food for uncaring jackass high school kids. But let it be know, I care....I....Care...

--Spencer

Tired and Uninspired

Can't bring myself to write a new article about the shitty hardtack I made. It wasn't that bad, maybe I'll write about it sometime. I'm outta here before this becomes an emo blog.


Just in case you forget, Pepsi reminds you that your decisions affect others. Thanks Pepsi!



--Spencer

Fruits Just Loves Nick

A picture is worth a thousand, or was it a hundred, words. LOOK! LOOK AT IT!

I feel kind of bad, but its such sweet sorrow. Well I'm gone!

--Spencer

Do the Chicken Dance!

Well I probably won't post another article this weekend unless I'm really bored so make this one last.

I have a special place in my heart for chicken, I really do. When I saw this gem I knew it wasn't going to be around for long. That's right it's the Buffalo Chicken Sandwich. I've never heard of a "Buffalo Chicken", but it's some spicy shit!

NEW! Great, since I've never seen them before it helps to know that . I felt like a jackass taking this picture, because I had to take out my camera while everyone was waiting for me. I think they thought I was a weirdo or something. Haha....I'm so lonely. Back to the sandwich.

I have to admit, once I got a good look at the thing I was pretty scared. The nice white wrapper was covered in piss-like stains. They weren't the exact shade of yellow to be human pee. But that just raised more questions. In the end there was nothing left to it than to do it. Open the wrapper I mean.
The wrapper was just the normal chicken wrapper turned inside out. Then I realized that the "Buffalo Sauce" managed to eat through a thin layer of tinfoil to stain the white outside. Jesus Christ, I was about to eat this thing...

Mmmm.... Tasty. I'm pretty sure this" sauce" didn't come from the most healthy Buffalo. It wasn't a sauce really, it was more like a gritty damp powder coating it. After eating this, I probably have Hepatitis C. I stared down my prey, and took a bite.


Sorry for the blurry picture, but I couldn't stop shaking. Just kidding, it would be wrong of me to slam the sandwich too bad. I had my expectations very low. But it wasn't as bad as I thought I would be. I wouldn't eat the thing again unless I was really hungry. But if you like adventure, or shitty "Buffalo" sauce, this sandwich for you. I give it a B-, because the sandwich really started to suck after the first four or five bites.

Quickie-Gotsta Love Bio

Hey there, don't have much time today so I've decided to make these small updates called "Quickies". Sounds dirty huh? Popin' in for a quickie huh? Anyways I've dedicated this quickie to Biology, our favorite subject.

Today was a good day, we had a sub so I got to take some pictures. And get absolutely nothing done at the same time. God just loves me or something.

Most of the 90 minute class was devoted to jack-shit, the other 30 minutes me and my friend Kevin tried to make flash cards out of some ugly ass paper.

That's Kevin, not the paper.

All we made was some folded paper. But then again when you find photos like this in the Biology book, life just seems better.

That's right the only ALBINO GOAT BLOWJOB EVER PHOTOGRAPHED. God bless America! Where else can you see an ALBINO goat getting its dick sucked. Well just incase I've alienated or harassed any of my viewers, I'm outta here.




P.S. GOTSTA LOVE BIO!
P.S.S. It's not a goat I know, and its only sucking on an udder or somthing. Don't burst my bubble.

BASEMENT OF DOOM

Well I decided that I should pay a little homage to the cesspit I spend most of my day in.
No not my school, my basement. My basement is fairly large, not the part I'm in though.
Luckily I'm not jammed under the stairs, because if the zombies invaded I would sure hate to be under the stairs.

Well you start of by going down the...

Stairs, imagine that.


Yeah Stairs, they're great.

Well you get to the main sort of storage lot me and my brother are shoved into.
Sweet Jesus! I didn't notice how much godforsaken stuff my family has. I'm sure that if you dug deep enough you would find hell itself. From wrapping paper to a chandelier, there's nothing you can't find in this nook. The black box with all the stickers on it is my computer, you might be wondering why a half finished barn is perched right by the window. It was a stable for the small army of my sisters toy horses coated with real rotting barn wood. Seriously my dad went to a torn down barn and stole the hellish looking stuff. I went with him one time, I'm very glad I have had my tetanus shots. I think....


If you turn to your left there's door that leads to my dads office. You'll see my dumbass dog standing there waiting to jump on the chinchilla inside. You heard me, I have a pet chinchilla, named chinzilla. No its real name is Pippen, the dogs name is Kipper. Both these names are from my moron sister.

Here's more trash on the floor, the trash bag is filled with random stuff. My brother eats enough pop tarts to kill a lesser bum. I don't really know why I put this picture in. Maybe its just a cry for help from my inner child. No, that's just the gas...Moving on!
Here's the only one eyed dog in the world. I love him. I bought him a long time ago, before I moved here actually. He was one eyed when I bought him at the garage sale. I don't know where he comes from, how he came to be. He had a name once but it has long been forgotten. The evil eye was obviously meant to be. You can see the button.

MY LEGIONS OF THE DARK SHALL CRUSH YOU!

Well that's pretty much all there is to my basement. It's not so bad when you get used to it. I'll try to keep writing these once a week probably. Drop a comment or tell me somthing to review.

--Transit